Sometimes you gotta remember to throw them back

So, J2.

After I didn’t hear from him, I sent him, “Hey, what happened to you? Did you remember saying you wanted to have a date tonight?”

He sent, “Hey I never heard back from you about going out, so I wasn’t sure that we were still on for this evening.”

Wrong answer.

Let me back up. When J2 asked me to go out Wednesday, it was his idea and I said I would like to. “What do you want to do?” I asked. He said, “Don’t worry about it, I’ll think of something.”

I said, “Are you sure? You came up with the last date ideas…”

And he said, “No, don’t worry about it. Be ready for an adventure.”

“Haha, oookkk…” was my response.

He knew the ball was in his court. He didn’t follow through for whatever reason.

For a while, I was trying to figure out what to say to him. Did I want to end it right then? No. Why not? Because I wanted to see if he would acknowledge he was wrong. Oh yes, I’m stubborn, even if I don’t really care about him. I don’t like it when people think they can slight me and give me the blame. It’s the principle.

So, in response to his text of “never hearing back from me, I said, “Last I heard from you, you were going to let me know what you wanted to do. ‘Be ready for an adventure’ was what you said. It’s cool though, no worries. Just would’ve been nice to have a heads up.”

When I said “It’s cool though, no worries,” I really meant it. There’s something off about him, more than just the kiss. We just don’t click, and I need to recognize that and cut him loose. Honestly, I was glad he didn’t call/text and cancel because it would give me an excuse to stop talking to him. It’s stupid. I should just grow a pair and end it like an adult. I guess I was hesitant because I wanted to give it a chance, even if I knew deep down he wasn’t right.

He sent, “Maybe there’s been some miscommunication. You mentioned you hate texting but I called you and now we’re texting =) lol”

I didn’t respond to that statement at first because he was clearly skating around the issue. He didn’t even have a response to what I said, or an apology. I think the real deal is that he had a date with someone else and decided to go on that one. That’s just what my gut says. That’s totally fine, but common courtesy is to make up some stupid excuse, haha.

Yea, I’ll admit I haven’t been putting in work. In my defense, I have been running around trying to get my trip back home in order, so I haven’t really had the time to call him back. But I know the real reason is that I’m just not interested. Because if this was someone else who I was interested in, I’d find the time. That’s how it always works, with anyone. You will always find the time.

I didn’t respond to that, then he sent me a few hours later, “How about this… I can bring some ingredients to your place… pick your favorite movie and I’ll cook dinner.”

HA! You crazy, bruh? You must be crazy.

Hell no. You already move way too fast, kissing me and holding my hand and shit (which I didn’t say no to because I have to learn to put my foot down in these awkward scenarios). You set up a date, talk to me a bit through text, don’t even answer my last text, and then don’t call and cancel the date that you set up. No apology, and no explanation. And now you think, “Hey, let me just invite myself over to her house.”

Nigga done lost his mind.

So in this situation, I’m teetering on the edge of simply shutting it down with the straight-forward “I’m not interested because you move way too fast and I think we’re two different people” or just letting it falter off by not answering any of his texts or calls.

The latter is cowardly, the former is… harsh? How would I want to be rejected? I’m really not sure. I wouldn’t want the person to just disappear without an explanation. In my mind, I would like the guy to tell me why he’s not interested… but would I really? I don’t know, I haven’t figured it out yet.

So after laughing and laughing and laughing at the fact that he invited himself over my house as a third date, I sent, “Much too soon on the third date, in my opinion. I’m going back to dc so I’ll hit you up when I get back.”

I was just planning on never texting him again. Maybe I should say, “Hey, you were really nice and I appreciate you taking me out but I don’t think we have a connection.”

That’s simple enough, I guess. Not harsh at all. Doesn’t really get into the why, but I guess that doesn’t matter.

The problem with me and this dating thing is that I’m so positive and happy to be doing something different... so much so that that happiness is projected onto the other person and the event as a whole, and I can’t tell the difference between enjoying the person, or simply enjoying being out of my house talking with someone new. It isn’t until the day after that I realize I don’t really like them like that. They were just nice and I was having a good time. 

I’m thinking about my ex-boyfriend and I remember the feeling of not wanting the night to end. He was an attractive guy and we talked about death and meaning on our first date. An intellectual for sure, and that was great. But I think our ultimate demise was when he talked about Black culture like it was some sort of social learning experience for him. ::sigh:: Too much to get into right now…

Anyway, I’m just going to keep dating, but I’m certainly not going to force anything. I’m going to continue to listen to myself and try to make sound decisions and truly try to think about why I’m making those decisions. I know it’s safe to say J2 is not the one for me, I guess I was just waiting for a sign. I don’t know what most girls allow on their third date, but coming to my house is certainly not an option for me. I don’t think I want a guy who would suggest it—not that soon. I don’t even know J2’s last name! And he hasn’t even asked mine. I didn’t let my ex over my house until the 7th or 8th date. By then, we really had a good gauge of each other and I felt like I could trust him. And we talked on the phone constantly before we even suggested going into each others homes. Communication with J2 isn’t nearly as consistent, or even that enjoyable. He's just ok.

I’m going to listen to my instincts. I don’t like J2, end of story.

There are more fish in the sea. Sometimes you gotta remember to throw them back.